Re: On Imposition

Thought I’d do a slight diversion from the usual travel and activity updates and talk about something that a friend was blogging about a few weeks ago. He spoke of the role of parents in their children’s lives, specifically on whether or not the former should be imposing their views/beliefs on the latter. To see his full blog, please click here

Aside from the issues addressed in said blog, I think there is an underlying question that needs to be highlighted. That it’s not just a question of whether or not one’s views are relevant or true enough to be imparted onto kids but also there has to be the question of am I as a parent providing the right tools for my child to develop good thinking? At the end of the day a person’s views are formed by some fusion of what we are trained to believe and the views we develop based on how we think, experience, societal influence, etc. My parents were most definitely the imposing kind and till this day there are times when I hear my mother’s voice in my head cautioning me when I’m about to do certain things. This however is not to say that I agree with all my parent’s beliefs and views and as I’ve grown, I’ve had to spend some time thinking and forming views of my own. I can say that this is probably also true for most of my friends

Modern day parents I think are increasingly faced with what seems like a dilemma as to how much of an imposition they should be on their kids vs how much of a laissez-faire attitude they should employ when it comes to how the kids develop their own views of the world. I think this was part of the underlying concern of the mother in question

To an extent, parents’ imposition is almost less relevant to what views people form (as children or adults) cause in the long run people form their own views regardless of upbringing (how many times do we hear of serial killers/criminals that were brought up in staunchly religious homes ?). I think equally (if not more) important is teaching kids how to develop good thinking because it, like any other skill in life, requires not only practice but good training /solid building blocks

I’ve recently been reading a lot of work done by a renowned psychiatrist called Edward de Bono (who incidentally coined the term lateral thinking) and he spent most of his career doing work on thinking and how to develop it as a skill. He’s of the view, and I agree with this, that good thinking is not a function of intelligence but rather a skill that can be taught and developed in everyone, smart or not. He also talks about how the education system does not cater adequately to developing the best thinking techniques, something that parents usually presume their children get by going to good schools. In his view, it is imperative therefore that parents take on the responsibility of helping kids develop this skill. Perhaps his work biases my view somewhat on the subject of the importance of good thinking in general. But in my view, it’s a good bias. His books titled “teach your child how to think” and “the use of lateral thinking” are worth reading

At the end of the day if parents are to impose their views on kids, which I agree is a responsibility/obligation on their part (let’s face it, if children are left on their own to develop their own views, they will be chopping their fingers and toes and running around stark naked in no time!), then they must themselves have views developed through good thinking. That way they not only impart good views onto their kids but also help them to develop good thinking techniques. With the avalanche of problems facing the world today, we cannot have enough good thinkers around, in my humble opinion